Thursday, 6 November 2014

11 Reasons We Could Have Cheated But Didn't (Women)

I also blogged this at GH
I really tried, but COULD HAVE resisted

Staying faithful to your partner in school is a challenge, we at GH Campus know all too well. But we’ve ran away from all the temptations that made us grit our teeth and wonder, “Fuck, why am I still going on with this anyway?” FOR ELEVEN MONTHS! We deserve a plague, so while we are not getting any honorary degrees to our names, we are going to vent! Men, it’s time to (son of a) bitch to the ladies on 11 Reasons That Made You Want To Cheat But Didn’t:

11 When You Kept Us Delaying For Hours To A Movie Premiere You Forced Us To Take You to, 
If it must be done, it must be time-wasting.

we tapped our feet against the carpet anxiously staring at you as you plucked your eyebrows and kept grunting when you just ‘weren’t getting your make up right!’ What we failed to tell you was, we casted a glance at your roommate who kept darting us looks that said, “What are you doing with her anyway?” forcing ourselves not to call the night off… and take your roommie to the premiere instead.

10 When You Told Us We Should Set A Study Date,
We were supposed to be researching on human sexual behavior!

and ended up worming your hands around our necks, our shoulders, snuggling into us when we were at the library! We just wanted to effing concentrate to pass our exams… which we eventually flunked and never bothered to shift the blame on you.

9 When You Keep Inviting Us To Your Church, 

Welcome, tell us all your sexual inadequacies.

only to leave us for the campus pastor during closing ours and made us wait for you as you kept discussing––loud enough for us to hear(!)––whether it’s the right time for you to allow us third base.

8 When You Made It Clear You Hated Valentine’s

Such a darling, how did you know I'd wanted a Valentine's gift

and we bought gifts for your roommates who openly stated they’d want us to buy them a gift since they were single and you guys, oblivious to us, operated by the Mi Boyfriend Su Boyfriend rules. Yet didn’t speak to us for days because we were supposed to know you also wanted a gift but didn’t tell us!

7 When Your Dad Came In To Visit

Well, friends can kiss.

and you introduced us as ‘That Good Friend(!!) You Have Always Been Talking About’.

6 When You Told Us Your Thoughts On Girls Who Have An Abortion,

Don't be fooled, she'll want more!

yet expected us to do the deed with a condom knowing fully well the rubber might break and your whole family would be welcoming in a baby, “Fiesta!”

5 When You Interrupted Our Football Matches,

See if NFL stars would allow you see third base tonight!

for another time to keep up with the Kardashians (who never want to know anything about you!)

4 When You Called Us You Were Starving,

I'd rather feed these!

 and we walked into your room to take you out for something and realized you hadn’t said over the phone that your roommates were also looking up to us!

3 When You Cooked For Us

'Am I not the best girlfriend ever?' 'No, you are the best cook ever.'

and were giving us the cold shoulder about how a best girlfriend you are because no one out there would cook for their boyfriends when they had mid-week church service to attend.

2 When You Tell Us It’s Over,

Yum, Yum

and we date one of your friends and suddenly you want us back! (Did you know how much it took to convince your friends so we pulled that ploy over your eyes?)

1 When You Began Comparing Us To The Boyfriends Of Your Friends,

Now any of you should mess up and I'll make my pick!

 and reminding us we are doing this relationship thing all too wrong but you are just waiting for us to change so you wouldn’t have to be the one to pull the plug!

Now that you know, ladies, we only have one month more in the year to just reason enough we can only endure so much!

(Ladies, it would be your turn in a bit to rant, submit your entries on Reasons you would have cheated on him but didn’t to and we should feature them soon).

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